If anyone has noticed the reference to the film 'Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines' without having read this far, then have some win.
But in all seriousness I'm sure I'm not the only one getting tired of the selfish actions from British Airways cabin crews. I mean, we are living in a time of global depression and vast unemployment, and yet they have some of the highest paid jobs around. And what are they doing? Striking. Now I'm all for worker's rights, don't get me wrong, but these guys should count themselves lucky that they actually have a job, whereas many thousands such as myself don't (although I suppose as a writer I'm only unemployed when I'm not writing).
Personally I think BA staff really need to look at themselves and think about how fortunate they are to not have to be stuck between a rock and a hard place, where any money you do get is gone almost before you can check to see the Queen's shadow, and it could be a long while before you get anymore. Whats more, maybe the strike leaders to be launched into the turbines of the Boeings they should be flying, if not for my general amusement then most certainly to try and blast some sense through their bullet-proof skulls. Form a queue now.
All the Best, the Beard
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Monday, 15 March 2010
The Engine Room
So sorry for the lack of updates lads, but I promise I will get round to more reviews in due course. Until then however, here's a piece of steampunk literature I wrote throughout my day. I hope what it lacks in length it will make up for in...something else. Enjoy!
The Engine Room
“Put your backs into it lads!”, was one of many encouraging phrases that carried around the engine room, barely audible over the roar of the fires, the clanging of machinery hard at work and the bellowed hiss of escaping steam. Groups of a dozen men tended each of the air-dreadnought’s five mighty boilers, throwing large shovelfuls of the finest Artorian coal into the hell-like furnaces, whilst an army of engineers scaled the ladders that ran up and down the vast cylinders of the ship’s engines, stopping at each level to adjust the valves and levers that seemed to cover the gigantic machines like some sort of skin-disease, make notes of the gauges or simply to mop up an oil spill.
Everything in the engine room seemed to be covered in a fine layer of coal dust and oil that would always re-appear five minutes after cleaning. Still, it was the captain’s orders to keep everything as clean as possible. Young lads with steel barrows mounted on rails on the engine-room floor hurried from the immense coal stores on the other size of the engine room to the details of men charged with keeping the fires blazing like suns.
Nothing in the room stayed still, all was a flurry of frenzied activity and motion, from the armies of stokers feeding the throbbing boilers to the mass of rods, gears and flywheels that powered the Thunderstriker. Such was the norm when Captain Theart was in command. Thelonius Theart. Menace to all stokers, beater of machines and the finest captain in the Imperial Fleet. Even now, a sharp blast from the whistle used to carry messages from the communication deck signalled that the Captain, in pursuit of a Voegan convoy, wanted to go faster. A collective groan rose from all occupants of the engine room, but the momentary lapse in activity ended almost as soon as it began as the ant-like movement from all men aboard resumed at an even greater speed, each man giving his all for the Captain, straining and sweating and coal was flung into the raging fires, and the engineers directing all available steam into the thrashing engines. Such was the norm when Captain Theart was in command.
All characters, placenames etc are the rightful property of yours truly.
The Engine Room
“Put your backs into it lads!”, was one of many encouraging phrases that carried around the engine room, barely audible over the roar of the fires, the clanging of machinery hard at work and the bellowed hiss of escaping steam. Groups of a dozen men tended each of the air-dreadnought’s five mighty boilers, throwing large shovelfuls of the finest Artorian coal into the hell-like furnaces, whilst an army of engineers scaled the ladders that ran up and down the vast cylinders of the ship’s engines, stopping at each level to adjust the valves and levers that seemed to cover the gigantic machines like some sort of skin-disease, make notes of the gauges or simply to mop up an oil spill.
Everything in the engine room seemed to be covered in a fine layer of coal dust and oil that would always re-appear five minutes after cleaning. Still, it was the captain’s orders to keep everything as clean as possible. Young lads with steel barrows mounted on rails on the engine-room floor hurried from the immense coal stores on the other size of the engine room to the details of men charged with keeping the fires blazing like suns.
Nothing in the room stayed still, all was a flurry of frenzied activity and motion, from the armies of stokers feeding the throbbing boilers to the mass of rods, gears and flywheels that powered the Thunderstriker. Such was the norm when Captain Theart was in command. Thelonius Theart. Menace to all stokers, beater of machines and the finest captain in the Imperial Fleet. Even now, a sharp blast from the whistle used to carry messages from the communication deck signalled that the Captain, in pursuit of a Voegan convoy, wanted to go faster. A collective groan rose from all occupants of the engine room, but the momentary lapse in activity ended almost as soon as it began as the ant-like movement from all men aboard resumed at an even greater speed, each man giving his all for the Captain, straining and sweating and coal was flung into the raging fires, and the engineers directing all available steam into the thrashing engines. Such was the norm when Captain Theart was in command.
All characters, placenames etc are the rightful property of yours truly.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: A review
It seems that with every new Harry Potter film, the general quality of the acting, writing and general accuracy to the books goes down after each film. However, this isn't the case for the latest one, which follows the original book for about 30 seconds before resembling something a cross between Skins and Merlin (by which I mean the film's starring Sam Neill than the two series woth of FAIL on the screens of the BBC). Whilst watching the film I found the only thing holding my attention was the performances from Jim Broadbent (even though Brian Cox would have made a much better choice IMO), and Michael Gambon, the latter being ironic as this is the film where he DIES (if you're a Harry Potter fan and did not know this, the book's been out for over 5 years, so fuck you if you were too lazy to ask your parents to buy it for you when they're not ferrying fried chicken down to the basement where you live, cretins!). The actors as could be expected were about as entertaining to watch as Jeremy Kyle, especially Emma Watson, who aside from having a face like an angel is about as good at acting as our politians are at...politicing. Too much drama, not enough talent.
One thing that did irk me most however was the lack of accuracy towards the book. I mean, I know how difficult it is to turn a book into a film but where the fuck did the Death-Eaters (who themselves are about as intimdating as the wolf-people from Twilight) set fire to The Burrow in the book? The part where Harry was hitting on the waitress at the begining was too far from the book to be even in the film, and I honestly wouldn't be too surprised if the actors followed a script made by putting certain pages of the book and copies of Harry Potter fan-fics in through a paper shredder, then having them celotaped back together by Captain Hook. Seriously, have the scriptwriters not read the books? Where were all the other scenes with Tom Riddle during his transormation from creepy school-boy to someone resembling the current John Travolta? What happened to the Quidditch matches and the other aspects of the book that made it was it was?
The part at the end however will always live in my memory as the worst moment in Harry Potter ever. If you've been paying attention thus far you'll know what I mean, I'm on about the part where all the students and teachers raise their wands and make the sun come out, but I'll remember it, not for the shitty tribute to Micael Gambon's corpse, but mainly for the reactions of the audience. Somewhere in the cinema was a die-hard Dumbledore fangirl who started crying. My reaction was one of incredulity, and I was half tempted to rise from my seat and tell her 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about!'. Oh if only...
You might be surprised to learnt that I am actually looking forward to the next films, mainly because there's nothing that can be missed without completely buggering up the plot. Here's hoping that these next films will stay true to the books.
All the Best, Beard.
One thing that did irk me most however was the lack of accuracy towards the book. I mean, I know how difficult it is to turn a book into a film but where the fuck did the Death-Eaters (who themselves are about as intimdating as the wolf-people from Twilight) set fire to The Burrow in the book? The part where Harry was hitting on the waitress at the begining was too far from the book to be even in the film, and I honestly wouldn't be too surprised if the actors followed a script made by putting certain pages of the book and copies of Harry Potter fan-fics in through a paper shredder, then having them celotaped back together by Captain Hook. Seriously, have the scriptwriters not read the books? Where were all the other scenes with Tom Riddle during his transormation from creepy school-boy to someone resembling the current John Travolta? What happened to the Quidditch matches and the other aspects of the book that made it was it was?
The part at the end however will always live in my memory as the worst moment in Harry Potter ever. If you've been paying attention thus far you'll know what I mean, I'm on about the part where all the students and teachers raise their wands and make the sun come out, but I'll remember it, not for the shitty tribute to Micael Gambon's corpse, but mainly for the reactions of the audience. Somewhere in the cinema was a die-hard Dumbledore fangirl who started crying. My reaction was one of incredulity, and I was half tempted to rise from my seat and tell her 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about!'. Oh if only...
You might be surprised to learnt that I am actually looking forward to the next films, mainly because there's nothing that can be missed without completely buggering up the plot. Here's hoping that these next films will stay true to the books.
All the Best, Beard.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Greetings
Egad, how did I get here? Must have been some trip!
Anyway, allow me to introduce myself, Earthlings. My name is Laurence Williams. I'm a student studying Travel and Tourism, English Literature and Philosophy, and when I'm not doing that or saving the world, I'm a diehard wannabe fantasy author (DWFA for short). I created this blog for a number of reasons; frustration with other websites, the desire to expand to new territories as well as join a website where I would be able to develop myself as a writer. During my time here you can expect samples of writing from me, from novels to short stories, as well as reviews for games, films, books and shows, and just general comments about life, depending on my mood and how much sleep I've had.
I hope to update this blog every two weeks at the very least, but please sympathise that I am a student, and thus my busy life of studenthood may take presedence over, say, my thoughts on the latest Harry Potter film (it was shit).
Hope to be meeting many new faces here
All the Best, Laurence 'The Beard' Williams
Anyway, allow me to introduce myself, Earthlings. My name is Laurence Williams. I'm a student studying Travel and Tourism, English Literature and Philosophy, and when I'm not doing that or saving the world, I'm a diehard wannabe fantasy author (DWFA for short). I created this blog for a number of reasons; frustration with other websites, the desire to expand to new territories as well as join a website where I would be able to develop myself as a writer. During my time here you can expect samples of writing from me, from novels to short stories, as well as reviews for games, films, books and shows, and just general comments about life, depending on my mood and how much sleep I've had.
I hope to update this blog every two weeks at the very least, but please sympathise that I am a student, and thus my busy life of studenthood may take presedence over, say, my thoughts on the latest Harry Potter film (it was shit).
Hope to be meeting many new faces here
All the Best, Laurence 'The Beard' Williams
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